it’s a blur but it’s real

i started keeping a journal a couple years ago. it’s not for me.  it’s for stetson. so he can read was he was like when he was a baby. so he can read what i was like when he was a baby.  he can read the journals when he’s a dad and know when he got his first cold. or he can read about how he used to kick his feet like a little mad man whenever he would lay on his back. or when he pulled a 7 foot tall mirror over on himself. i was reading through it yesterday while i was flying home and remembering the most beautiful things. things i’d never remember otherwise. things i don’t mean to forget but get lost in the blurriness of my life.  so i have this little black moleskine, of which there will be dozens i hope, so that i can tell him things i’ll probably forget to tell him when he’s older. i’ve got so much to tell him right now. i do tell him, but i’m not sure he gets it all yet.

it’s funny to think he’s only been in my life for 2 years. i don’t even remember what i did every day when he wasn’t around.

nothing important i guess.

it’s all so crazy, being a dad. i never imagined i’d be so in love with this 33 inch tall brown eyed fella. he’s so alive and interesting. for instance, right now he’s on the couch running from one end and jumping into the other. and back and forth. it’s a sort of cannonball style jump and he’s really good at it. i’m scared he’s going to fall off the couch. but he never does. ever. he’s really good at it.  he’s been doing it for about 15 minutes straight. and the look he had on his face as he was walking over to the couch sort of said “oh yeah, i gotta go jump on the couch now. i take a bath then i jump on the couch. that’s the schedule, daddy. that’s the order of business.”  he’s interesting. way more interesting than music. or tv. or traveling. or guitars. stetson is the ultimate fashion accessory. he’s the truth and he’s the sound of angels wings. he will sing and it will break your heart. he can’t help but dance. ever. a foot tapping or static on the tv. he’s gonna dance. he’s kind and he’s wild. and he’s really thoughtful. and cute. good lord he’s cute.

i love you stetsie.

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5 comments

  1. You’re wise to take it all in now, James. Soon you’ll be watching him drive away with is new wife…like we watched Josh do yesterday. Your blog triggered memories of Josh and me. Loved it! Thanks.

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